i am SICK OF ALL THESE! FUCK! i am really pressurized, and squeezed to the very last bit. i seldom swear, and yeah. i find myself fcked up to tis. i cant stand it anymore! liablities, liabilities, and MORE FCKING liablilties! i am running into deep financial trouble. Currently, my ez-link card is only left with $0.66, and my bank account left probably roughly $80. tmr's my next braces appointment, its about $100, and i am seriously STRESSED UP! oh god, i hate this shit! FARK THIS SHIT, FARK THIS RECESSION, FARK THE ECONOMY, FARK MYSELF! i do not have the heart to blame my parents.

i am curbing all my expenses real hard. And i meant it. I foresee myself from last dec, i would run into this shit. So to prevent this, i scrimped as much as i could everyday, only splurging helplessly on food and icecream for certain days. I stopped hanging out late and go home as soon as possible to prevent myself from spending outside. I hardly watch movies in cinemas nowadays, cut those late nights, and cut those unneccessary gatherings.

Now, i do not even have enough $ to buy my ez-link concessions, and end up spending more $ travelling more expensively. everyday, i tried hard to shun away from this sensitive issue, named $. and i still cant do it. my hairs' turn white, and even started falling off. i need help. not plain counselling. I am so freaking stressed about this monetary issues that i often feel extremely stressed and anxious on every of my driving lesson. i am freaking myself up, and giving myself intense pressure to clear as many subjects as i could in a few lessons, in which i am doing the opposite. i repeated one of my lesson review, and is farking stressed. i cant find back the once excited for every lesson feeling. Every time i had my lesson, i wondered how am i going to find some fork out enough for the next one. It always end up in me, having only a lesson in every week. i knw i cant compare with others. they are subsidized. i am not.

seriously. i am breaking down. i dunno what to do. i am trying my really best to be a sensible boy. i am always putting on a brave front in front of my parents, showing that i am ok. no problem one! but deep inside, i am arhs. farking headache.

i knw that even my closest friends wouldnt be able to help me. and this is the time, i see some of their true colours too. good. fuck off pls.

also, i am sick of lying at least once weekly. FUCK!

if god, u could be up there, understand what i am drifting to, pls.

i really need you, show me some of your supernatural power!

as i go to sleep now. lets just hope its just a bad dream, or nightmare, and i woke up feeling relieved.

Support Our Local Band!

YEah! Support our local Band.. ELectrico from SG!!

Thou i do not know who the exact singers are, their music had "wow"-ed me! one of my fav songs are directly linked to my blog =) rmb this song? dats one of the theme songs of the "black knights" in NDP! wooooo..

wondered what had gone wrong to me today. Woke up feeling aimless. dunno what to do exactly. kept myself occupied the whole morning by jamming on the piano, scribbled on my theory books. feelin kinda listless.

headed out to j8 pretty soon after a while to look for my ideal machine. it costs $99 after all the discounts -_- hope i could get back my $300 soon!

met up with Andreas to hit the sch gym in the aftn My driving lesson's a dread today somehow. i hit curbs, forgot to check my blindspots, do all sorts of funky stuff which i wouldn't really do normally. i failed my lesson review on the previous lesson, and expected to fail again today due to the humogous mistakes i incurred in a short span of 2 hours. mircalously, the instructor gave me a pass! with a condition, to really go thru all the lessons at home again, before my next lesson.

now i am here. stoning.

B4 heading back to the emo mood which i hadnt had for quite sometime, let this "love in a new way" by Electrico cheer me up! WaTa!

GOSH! i do still have to do my reports and my theory stuff. Grr!

Till then.

=) i'm back in SG from the starcruise virgo! yeah, its a short trip thou. the total numbers of hours accumulated on board dosen't even exceed 48 hours! so its roughly about paying $10/hr.

HAHAS! anyway, it was a good one. our teacher-in-charge is pretty flexible, and nt rather strict as i thought. Enjoyed myself through out the whole trip! Free flow of good food, wonderful performances, good facilities like the jacuzzis. The staff are very friendly and "attentive" and patient. =)

did hell lots of crap throughout with 3 crazy ppl in the same cabin. the first night of poker, den i would never forget how we messed up the room on the last day, before we checked out of our rooms.

YEAH! i entered the casino as well. very fascinated in the operations, procedures, rules etc as well. Most of friends who entered the casino earned profits of roughly 10 to 100. WOW! saw loads of aunties uncles too, using their CPF money and CHIONG inside. one blackjack turn chiong SGD$50. SIAO BO? i didn't gamble or spend any money inside thou.

the overall trip was great! looking forward to an overseas trip again!

i am thinking of investing in a electrical appliance. doing some research thou. hmm. hope my $300's reimbursed soon!

=) =) =)

=) YEAH!!! i managed to finish my G2 theory workbook after like, i chiong all today! =) other than a few minor mistakes, i am FINE!

HAHAS. yipee! hopefully i can complete my G3 theory wb by end of BSC =) I wanna take G5 paper this sept! actually is can de, but those italian terms are so irritating. i only got trouble memorizing them. hahas. my T.March is fine! hahas. but once i start to get "cocky" and play it fast and furious, all my notes go jumble up. malukuku -_-

teacher told me about this piano fair in april from yamaha. Sian lo, no money. Even if dat "U1" model drop to $3k for first hand, i also got no $$ buy =( just put the blame to the car driving license -_- Anyway, theres a fair at suntec convention hall, 202 - 208, this coming april 4th and 5th. Haix, go there look look see see also shuang =)

Tmr's my cruise! so eggcited. but i haven pack my stuff actually, i had to constantly keep in mind to bring my passport! i always fear that i would lose it. It must be a good one man!

hmm, DARN! i still got 2 newspaper article to be due tmr. so, b.

I had been pondering hard over the past few days on what are the goals i would want to achieve in this upcoming 3 years. "3" is just a random number which popped out from somewhere. Anyway, the goals i could thought of now are:

1. Graduate From NYP and serve NS.
2. Do my dental surgery
3. Admit into a local recognized university.
4. Obtain either a Grade 8/Diploma/Teaching Cert.
5. Teach music in a music school
6. Obtain a lifeguard Cert. Teach swimming part time, or be a lifeguard =)
7. NAPFA Gold
8. Work in a ice cream shop, learn how to make ice cream, and open my small little stall.
9. It would also be nice if i could work in a pet shop. =)

empty talking. LOL.

my piano teacher praised me for being so "shang(4) jing(4)" for constantly choosing chim pieces. budden, my she "suan" that it is rather hard, or impossible for me to master that turkish march piece. ROARR! i will try practise and practise, gimme a few weeks and i wil impress her. hahas.

Never leave a hungry man waiting for too long! ROARRR. lost my temper over food recently. hungry stomach = bad temper. ps guys. LOL =)

headed to expo 2dae for the cashflow game. its kinda propaganda. do you know why they are able to get rich? dats because there are wannabes like us, thats why they could prey on us.

went for a "seminar" next. i nearly doze off numerous times. IT Fair's really crowded. KB's late for an hour 45mins. hungry stomach = LL attitude. hahas. he treated me dinner anyway, so still can forgive. =)

unexpected access start liaos. bb

i love smiley faces =)

=) =) =)

headed out with shcyjs ytd. ate BJ for lunch and some wierd named Pasta for dinner! its like. my STOMACH IS EXPLODING! my wallet is crying -_- i think BJ's cajun's chicken portion is getting smaller, or is my stomach getting bigger? Heehee.. my recommendations for pasta stil not bad bahx right? =)

headed to IT fair too, ytd. It was not as crowded as i thought like sardines on friday afternoon. Saw Nickolas, and several ex beattyians in the fair, and EVEN primary sch mates! Gort from promoters, models, to just pure customers. haha.

i intended to get some printer ink cartridge from CANON!, when some sales assist. claimed strongly that they dun sell that printer brand. TMD! i found that ink cart. lo, kns. lim pei will give u a chance this sunday.

then walked to bugis street, to search for my ideal backpack. I saw one cloth-material sling bag. kinda cool. $38. hmm. i stick with my crumplers =) i am looking for some cool beige slinge bag, which have brown coloured pockets. Best if its kinda made from cloth or leather. those i saw is in pvc type. sian lo. looks so bengish.

today's swimming lesson's great. excluding treading water which i sucked the most, i am fine with those 8 laps. cool man! monday's test. CONFIRM 95% can pass =) i am learning free style next week! ahhhh.. silver survival coming soon =) Lifeguard baby HERE I COME!

previous driving lessons' were cool. one my instructors even dose off numerous times, i am a safe driver ok? not until when i reach those steep uphill slopes =.=
I am good in jamming emergency brakes =) =) =) Darn those DRIVERS WHO DUN GIVE SIGNAL when they want to change into my lane! die die also dun wan let you cut. LOL

tmr's gt rat race over at expo. hope its good. tmr also kb's first motor prac. dun screw up ok? to SH: whether we can go to Sentosa this APRIL on bike, "jiu quan kao ni ler" =)

Action plan

Action plan to get myself out of this crap

1. Get a PT job by hook or crook. Earn enough to cover all my living expenses, which mainly includes food, transport and my braces. Its the most vital important step to get myself out of this crap.

2. Apply for all bursaries/schemes available. they are my only sense of hope.

3. Give up on going for OSEP, and postpone my desired hobbies till a later date. I realise my immature acts, and if i do really have tt sum of $, i would get myself a new piano first. Got to cut down all my luxuries.. fewer buffets -__-

4. Terminate piano lessons after my G4 prac piano exams in July. Achieving a pass in G5 music theory is a must in this year. For current music lessons, negotiate with piano teacher to cut down the frequency by half. Hmm, its kinda painful, however, things dun have to be so kns if i got a job.

5. Driving license: by hook or by crook, chiong finish all my prac lessons before it hits mid-may. Take my tp around june and july.

6. Cut down mrt trips to and fro school. H'ever, if gt job, i would get the transport pass for $97.

7. Consider the financial commitment and time i had to put into, if i were to pursue for a lifeguard cert.

8. Bring only $5 to sch everyday, and try to save up $200 every month. $100 for transport, $100 for braces.

sian lo. LOL. i need constant determination thou.

i am happy and worry-free now =)

=) =) =__=

I AM SO happy!

Sembawang music store's having storewide 50% discount on all cds! as well as some bundle up packages! an orginal english imported of Maksim album costs 18.90, and now its $9! OMG!!!! only managed to find 3 of the titles thou, they are:
1. Variations Part 1 & 2
2. A new world
3. Electrik

actually there are chinese imported ones, which come in bundle packages of 2 for $7.50. i know its cheap, but idk why, i bought those english imported ones instead. -____- 3 cds for about 30 bucks.. hmm. i am happy because, they are the first ever cds i ever bought in so many years. hahas

the rest of the titles like "maksim the piano player", and "pure 2" are sold out =(

Also bought this "passionate classics", meant as a b-dae present for KB. hope it will somehow kick-start his desire for classical music! he is gg to learn violin o,0 LOL. dunn0 when got chance see this baboon again

Ytd's the release of A'lvls results. Some are good, some not that good, some nt applicable. Whatever it is, dun take it too hard. you still got plenty of choices you could choose. =)

Had dinner at Hans with sh and cy. to summarise, the ambience and the food TOTALLY SUCKS! the soup's so thick like kueh, fish overcooked, toasted bread like rock. Salad with mayo tastes sour. only the wedges are acceptable. however, the Customer service is great thou. BotakJ's better! Shall eat again at bj's soon!

headed to rochor beancurd and saw some ex-sch mates. had a "light" supper with them over there b4 heading home.

i am fully satisfied =)

=)

==>i learnt pretty much of techniques during my driving lesson ytd. the instructor's good, i am considering of booking him on every session.

==>fell in love with maksim's piano songs. The once boring classical songs turned into smt magical. and yes. its kind of a contemporary modern remix sort. Been practising nw on the Handel sarabende. I like the rhythm and the flow of the piece. no explanations.

==> now, i shall try my best not to spend too much in food, and convert my savings to CD albums for Maksim! i am not gg download them. i want to collect them all! Also, i got to save up enough to purchase dvds and cds from the bookstore. each of them costs $30. OMG. FAINT!

feeling the pinch of the economy's downfall, i am beginning to feel the pinch too. happy anniversary myself for being jobless for 3 months str8. no income = gg

recent updates:

==> i am fine =) the inspector took down my statement, and made me sign against it. i would be called up again, for futher investigations if there are any. i am not afraid, and i will learn how to protect myself next time.

==> joined as a believer last two weeks. i dunno what term to replace this word "join". it kinda seemed to be inappropriate thou. i seek for tranformations in my life. let me personaly feel for it. no point doing empty talks and meaningless discussions in msn. LOL. nw then i realise there are different "versions" in christianity. so chim. i also dunn0 i am from which -_-

==> my new year resolution ended abruptly after i realised i hadn't hit the gym for erm, 1mth? flabby and skinny again. DAM the full time shift. i got to apply for all the leave i can!

==>aft adjusting out my closet, it looks more presentable, thou i still chut my clothes on my chair and behind my door. i do crave for some more smart shirts thou =)

==> i think i am getting darker/tan by the week. isit good? my lessons are so challenging. i am so breathless after swimming just 4 laps continuously. 2 more weeks to test! i must freaking swim 10 laps continuously and tread some water. i believe i can do it! no no. I MUST DO IT! chokes -_-

==> today, i bought a can of campell mushroom cream, and erm, some wierd shaped spaggethi. i am going to cook up some dish for myself one day, this week. I shall buy some minced meat tmr. Any ideas what i could add in my spaggethi? i like eggs -__- Constructive ideas pls =)