i am SICK OF ALL THESE! FUCK! i am really pressurized, and squeezed to the very last bit. i seldom swear, and yeah. i find myself fcked up to tis. i cant stand it anymore! liablities, liabilities, and MORE FCKING liablilties! i am running into deep financial trouble. Currently, my ez-link card is only left with $0.66, and my bank account left probably roughly $80. tmr's my next braces appointment, its about $100, and i am seriously STRESSED UP! oh god, i hate this shit! FARK THIS SHIT, FARK THIS RECESSION, FARK THE ECONOMY, FARK MYSELF! i do not have the heart to blame my parents.

i am curbing all my expenses real hard. And i meant it. I foresee myself from last dec, i would run into this shit. So to prevent this, i scrimped as much as i could everyday, only splurging helplessly on food and icecream for certain days. I stopped hanging out late and go home as soon as possible to prevent myself from spending outside. I hardly watch movies in cinemas nowadays, cut those late nights, and cut those unneccessary gatherings.

Now, i do not even have enough $ to buy my ez-link concessions, and end up spending more $ travelling more expensively. everyday, i tried hard to shun away from this sensitive issue, named $. and i still cant do it. my hairs' turn white, and even started falling off. i need help. not plain counselling. I am so freaking stressed about this monetary issues that i often feel extremely stressed and anxious on every of my driving lesson. i am freaking myself up, and giving myself intense pressure to clear as many subjects as i could in a few lessons, in which i am doing the opposite. i repeated one of my lesson review, and is farking stressed. i cant find back the once excited for every lesson feeling. Every time i had my lesson, i wondered how am i going to find some fork out enough for the next one. It always end up in me, having only a lesson in every week. i knw i cant compare with others. they are subsidized. i am not.

seriously. i am breaking down. i dunno what to do. i am trying my really best to be a sensible boy. i am always putting on a brave front in front of my parents, showing that i am ok. no problem one! but deep inside, i am arhs. farking headache.

i knw that even my closest friends wouldnt be able to help me. and this is the time, i see some of their true colours too. good. fuck off pls.

also, i am sick of lying at least once weekly. FUCK!

if god, u could be up there, understand what i am drifting to, pls.

i really need you, show me some of your supernatural power!

as i go to sleep now. lets just hope its just a bad dream, or nightmare, and i woke up feeling relieved.